Sunday, June 17, 2007

The ultimate hindi movie trivia quiz...

I am bored. So I thought I will pose ten questions which will make you squirm and say “Hey! What kind of a stupid question is this??”

I am sure that some of you will get some of the answers… But for the one who get all, there will be a special prize. No no.. its not one of those “debit my goodwill account” kind of prizes. It’s a cash prize of Rs 5000. So go ahead and give it a shot.

Only one term and a an incidental condition. Answers received within a week will qualify. You do not have the permission to wait for a decade and then come hobbling to me one day and demand Rs. 5000.

Here goes:

Question 1: Which movie has the dialogue “Oye Paaji, main gir gaya”….. Ok hint – there is a taxi involved. Ok another hint: ummmm no forget it. Only one hint is what you get.

Question 2: In Sholay, what was Veeru's (imaginary)child's name? (I love this question!)

Question 3: What is common between the story writer of Shahenshah and the producer of Abhiman?

Question 4: Why did the movie 'Lootere' get into trouble with the Censors?

Question 5: Which SuperStar of this age had the dialogue “Chal Chal, dhakka maar” in his first movie? Which movie was it?

Question 6: Name the movie whose poster is on top of this page.. And whose career got kick started with this movie?

Question 7: Name the song where Rakhi Sawant and Govinda danced together. Which movie?

Question 8: “Nanga nahayega kya aur nichorega kya?” was Prem Chopra’s oft repeated dialogue in which movie?

Question 9: Everyone has seen “Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron” right? Who inspired the names of the two lead characters?

Question 10: “Teen se bhale do, do se bhala ek. Bete lal, dikhado inko disco aur bharatnatyam ka kamaal.” Who said this and in which movie? And who was bete lal?

All the best…

Saturday, June 16, 2007

My First Tag....

Well here goes.. I got tagged by Rohini.My first tag! From the woman who dragged me out of bed and deep slumber, after a party that lasted till till 4 in the morning, to take me to a bar tending class at 9 am! So how can I refuse...

The tag is about 9 random things about oneself, one of which is not true. Now here is the thing, the ones who guess which of these nine is a true lie, will get a special prize. So give it your best shot:

1. I am left handed. I bet you are thinking "oh come on, everyone knows that!" But the number of people who have turned around and said "REALLY?? I never noticed that!" after knowing me for a decade makes me believe that its something I should announce..and punt on..

2. I have a tattoo on my left arm. Its a dragon. Black, flame spewing dragon. Got it in Phuket. Other than the scene in Anand where Rajesh Khanna dies and getting my dick caught in my zip, this was the only activity that made me want to cry.

3. I have no belly button. It went in an operation. I have a rather endearing dimple ensconced in my 6 pack however. Ok 4 pack.. FINE! two pack!! But at least I go two!! pbbtthh!

4. I flunked Moral Science in class two and got hell for it back home. It was not that I was stupid or anything. I read the wrong chapter. "Different Types of Conscience" was the chapter we were supposed to read (lax conscience, latent conscience, strict conscience etc..). I read, "Jesus forgives all" instead. Obviously the exam was a disaster. I also found out that Jesus does not save kids who read the wrong chapter for an exam

5. I can wiggle my ears like a cow. I have big pointy, pixie ears. And quite early in school I found out that I can wiggle my way to popularity. I must admit that it worked better with the guys than the girls. The guys had this moist eyed look of admiration. The girls always ran away slapping their cheeks in horror and screaming.

6. I cant burp. For some strange reason, no matter how much food and beer I have, I am unable to burp. I think I just breathe the bloat away. No! I don’t get it out of the other orifice!

7. I love porn. You know a lot of people take a high ground on this. But for me, good old fashioned hardcore porn is a good time pass. Porn RULZ, Ava Devine RULZ! (I left the 'e' out of that on purpose. Just to sound cool).

8. I have watched Zulm Ki Hukumat 13 times. Let me make it easy for you guys, this is true. So don’t waste your time guessing on this one. And for the people who think I am nuts, watch the movie. Its the best Hindi movie adaptation of the Godfather. EVER!

9. I have a collection of 1500 comics. Mostly Batman. You know, I am not a huge fan of superman. He is too goody-goody, and he is 'SUPER'.. So what’s the big deal?!? He can fight anything. Batman on the other hand has no super powers. And yet the 'Dark Knight' fights evil in all hues and shades.

There you have it... 9 random things.. One a blatant lie...

Oh, I must tag a few people. So here goes... Am tagging Yashodhara, Svety, Abhigyan, MadMomma ( I don't know who you are, but you are funny!)..

The Great Indian Laughter Challenge

Good comedy is serious stuff. It’s not everyday that you rock back, slap your thighs, and laugh loudly. Sure, there is the occasional smirk, titter, snort, ironic half smile or chortle that an email or SMS throws our way. But a good hearty laugh? Now that’s a rare thing…

In my life, rip-roaring laughter has come more from real life experiences and sights than from movies, comics, emails, books, SMS’ or any other mediums that try and infuse a bit of laughter in our lives. To be fair, PG Wodehouse did get me close to laughing out loud and Calvin & Hobbes actually did make me laugh out loud.

But when I compare the intensity of laughter to the time Jijo fell into the colony gutter, or when Dad tried to cut his own fingernails or when Rahul Kaul was enacting “Basic Instinct” in dumb charades at IIFT, all others come a very poor second. Yes, I admit, other people’s tragedy has always been my comedy. But that’s another story.

Hindi movies have tried relentlessly over the years to make us laugh. And there have been some sparkling successes too. Who can forget the hilarious Golmaal, Chupke Chupke, Padosan, Chalti Ka Naam Gadi or the bouts of uninhibited laughter that scenes from Hera Pheri, Amar Akbar Anthony, Sholay, Andaaz Apna Apna, Seeta aur Geeta, and more recently Bheja Fry have invoked. However, these examples are few and far between.

Hindi film humor, for most part, is burlesque and rather clumsy. Formula scenes, formula characters, and very low brow comedy - that’s what has characterized Hindi Cinema for the last few decades. And that’s why Bheja Fry needs to be applauded.

I had gone with very average expectations to see Bheja Fry. To say that it exceeded all my expectations by a mile is to put things mildly. Its one of the finest comedies I have seen. Its under stated, real, and unbelievably funny. If you have not seen it yet, bitch slap the back of your head and call yourself stupid.

Watching BF made me think of the usual ‘comedy scenes’ in Hindi movies. There are patterns and commonalities across scripts when it comes to Bollywood’s attempts to make us laugh.

So here it is people: my list of the most common, and for me, the most trite comedy sequences that the Hindi Film industry has unleashed on us. Set ups that I believe should now retire from scripts as they have outlived their funny life.

I am putting up five which really get my goat. They are in no particular order. Please add on your (not) favorites…

1. The DRUNK: The most common medium used. Keshto made a career out of it, AB raised it to a fine art. Others failed miserably. Time to throw some cold water on script writers face and ask them to rethink on what makes India laugh.


2. THE HAKLA-TOTLA-BEHRA routine: This one is the most intolerable. To make fun of someone’s disability has got to be the low point of humor. And the Kader Khan- Shakti Kapoor renditions of this routine have made it more so. A definite ‘no more please’

3. THE RAKHI SCENE: This one is the most bizarre one. Somehow the act of tying a Rakhi, or rather attempting to (b‘coz that’s where the humor lies!) is supposed to be funny. Many a time we have been subjected to a lengthy scene where the sidekick, or an incidental character, and sometimes even the hero is faced with the prospect of getting his wrists decorated with an oversized bling rakhi from someone he has been having wet dreams about. Nana Patekar in Tiranga, Anupam Kher in countless movies… Completely avoidable.

4. THE DRAG SCENE: Getting a guy to dress up as a woman is gross and not funny. I remember having a hard time holding back my popcorn after watching Amitabh in ‘Mere Angne Mein’ or Govinda in Aunty No.1. I think I did puke after watching Naseer in a bathing suit in Tehelka. On this one, I am willing to take the legislative route and ban any further scenes which cause so much trauma.

5. PAGALKHANA ROUINE: Have you ever noticed how a mental asylum is portrayed in Hindi Films? All the inmates are free to roam around and more often than not, they are playing air cricket! I have been to a mental institute (no, not as an inmate but as part of a social service routine from school) and its nothing like this. People are there for treatment and not to play cricket with an imaginary bat and ball. And no, they do not roam around free and they definitely do not run a comb through their bald plate repeatedly!

So these are my top five people. Please add on…