Friday, April 13, 2007

Eeefff you cum todaaaayyy...

Yesterday was the death anniversary of Dr Rajkumar, the Kannada matinee idol. He was known as "Annavaru" or beloved elder brother and was the living legend of Kannada Cinema.

On April 12, 2006 Karnataka found out that their living legend was, well... no longer living. The city of Bangalore went crazy. 60,000 fans rioted for two days.

Dr. Rajkumar was an exceptional man. He had acted in 200 films over 5 decades and 'was the face, hero and defender of the regional cultural identity'. He was a recipient of the Dadasaheb Phalke award (1996) and the Padma Bhushan (1983). He was one of only two Kannadigas to be conferred the "Karnataka Rathna" award (1992) ~which is kind of strange, who, if not the Kannadigas, was being given all the "Karnataka Rathna" prizes??~

A respected statesman, a much loved star and the undisputed doyen of the Kannada Film industry. However, every living legend has a bad day in the office. I present to you one such day from Dr Rajkumar's life.

Its the most amazing song I have ever heard. Its in English and sung with a sambhar soaked, chutney stained voice and ofcourse filmed on Dr Rajkumar. The lyics are:

"If you come today.. its too early
If you come tomorrow.. its too late!
You pick the timeeeeeee
tick tick tick tick...."

Thanks Svety for this mid day piece of entertainment. Enjoy!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

When Superman fell in love with Spider(wo)man...

I sat and watched Dariya Dil last night. Its a 1988 movie with Kader Khan, Govinda, Kimi Katkar, Shakti Kapoor and Gulshan Grover in lead roles. Its a relatively unknown movie and is not one of those cult 'trash' movies either (like 'Aatank hi Aatank' or 'Elan-e-Jung'). I picked this movie up only because of its cover.

It was in Bangalore that I had bought this movie. I was out with the Sharmas and Abhi I think. We were floating around in Landmark. I had already spent a lot of money buying comics and VCDs and was ready to stop. Thats when this movie caught my eye, and I knew I had to buy it!

My three most favorite things in a C-grade movie would be: Govinda, buxom heroine and Superheroes. In this movie, Govinda and Kimi Katkar were the Superheroes! ~Yeah baby, YEAH!!~ So like the proverbial moth to the proverbial flame, I was drawn to the movie and I bought it.

Govinda and Kimi take on these avtaars in a dream sequence song (you would have never guessed that if I had not told you, isnt it?). The build up to the song is something like this: they are stuck in a departmental store in the night (that hapenned because Govinda went to pee in the ladies bathroom, but thats another story), fell in love, got a bit horny, saw the suits hanging there and lapsed into a dream sequence.

The lyrics are:
"Tuu meraaaaa, Supermaaaaaaaaaaaaan (pronounced 'sipperrmaaaaaann')
Main teeeeeriiiiiii;
Ho gaya hai apnaaaaa...
(slight modulation of the voice at end of line followed by two jhankar drum beats: ~tu tu~)
Pyar alreaaaaaadyyyyyyyyy...."

The visuals are equally engrossing. It starts with the two super lovers flying over Bombay..

Flying, singing, dancing in the clouds.

Soon they end up in familair territory, the Hindi film garden!!

And they dance...

and dance....

Traditional Bump and Grind. Pelvic push, bust thrust...

Then more flying, and Spidey spots trouble!!

Superman goes to save the day (and a troubled couple)...

....and does so by lifting the goons by their gonads! ~check the expression on goon's face. Oh, the pain!!~ He also uses his amazing superpowers, like ducking, to make the goons miss his head and hit each other!!

Then the two of them wave the happy couple goodbye, while ofcourse DANCING!

And then fly off. Again Spidey spots something. But this time she is happy.

Its a dance floor, so its DANCING TIME! They dance... A ferocious, aggressive mating dance..

and then the song ends..

Some more iteresting facts about this movie: A big Indian brand tied up for in-film placement with this movie. In fact, Kader Khan (Seth Dhani Ram) is the owner of this brand and factory. The brand not gets superb coverage on billboards and bus shelters in quite a few scenes, it also gets its radio ad played in full (like 'Nerolac' in Viruddh!).

So quiz question - which is this brand?

Mausumi: You are not allowed to participate.

In case you want to enjoy the full song in all its glory, then here is the video..
Enjoy, alreaaaaadddyyyyyyyyyy..Note: It opens in a new window.

Next week, I will bring you a Payal Rohatgi classic - "Ek se mera kya hoga"!

There is 'Magic' in the air - Part 1

July 21st, 2007. The last Harry Potter book will be out - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The world will finally know whether Harry lives or dies, whether Dumbledore is really dead and hopefully, also the meaning of ‘hallows’! (I have heard of gallows. What the hell is hallows??)

It will be the end of a story that is credited with bringing magic in the real world as well. Not just in the metaphorical sense of the word, but real tangible magic.

A near bankrupt, single mother of two became richer than the Queen of England because of Harry. In an age of internet, X-Box and mind numbing television, there is a renewed interest in reading among children thanks to Harry. A spectacles designer became an overnight millionaire after the first Harry Potter movie came out. An unknown child actor is the most recognized face in the world and has gone on to become a mainstream star thanks to Harry. These things do not happen everyday. That’s why they are ‘magic’!

But this blog is not on Harry Potter. I will save that for some other time. This blog is about two other magicians who got me interested in magic in the first place.

It all started with Pradeep Chandra Sorcar, better known by his bobbitised nomenclature of PC Sorcar Jr.

My family knew Jr’s dad, the legendary PC “Manick” Sorcar (the father of Indian magic). I think it was the Bangladesh connection through which the families were friends. Our families were both from Tangail district in what is now known as Bangladesh.

I had heard stories of how Sr. Sorcar would come late on stage with the crowd angry and baying for his blood. Then he would look puzzled at his watch and say “But I am on time! Check your watches”. Then lo and behold, all the wrist watches in the crowd would be showing the “right time” and the hall would burst into thunderous applause.Thats him in the pic. Giving the signature Sorcar family 'cheshire cat grin' smile.

Another famous story was how he impressed Chief Minister AK Fazlul Huq by performing a magic trick at the Imperial Restaurant in Calcutta. First he asked the Chief Minister to write something on a plain sheet of paper and then asked the other ministers to put their signatures under it. A short while later Fazlul Huq was amazed to see that the paper contained his cabinet's resignation and the appointment of PC Sorcar as the new chief minister of Bengal.

I would listen to this these stories with wide eyed, jaw slumping awe, over and over again from my great grand mom during the afternoons. They never failed to impress me.

So when Dad got tickets to the PC Sorcar Jr. “Indra-jaal” (Web of magic) show I was skipping around and flinging daisies in the air in joy. I was going to a magic show! My first magic show, and it was going to be PC Sorcar Jr.! (Sr. had passed away before I was born). He was known to be as talented as the father and had a very similar look.

I remember the show vividly. The dimming of the lights, the deep, ‘magical’ voice saying “Welcome to Indraaaaaaajaaaaaal”, followed by enchanting music and the image of two hands and eyes on the stage backdrop.

Oh those eyes! Big, hypnotic, magician eyes. I will never forget them.

The next two hours were, well, magical! Nothing was impossible in Indra-jaal. There were no rules here. Women were cut in two and still alive, PC could read clearly through a blindfold, a pitcher of water never got empty, an Egyptian princess disappeared from under a table and then reappeared from behind the hall, and the handicapped girl who he helped walk again by first making her float in the air. He also beat a large man on the head with a wooden hammer and made him a midget! It was fantastic.

I was totally involved and engaged. In the middle I let loose a ear piercing shriek, when he cut his wife in two, which prompted the middle aged fat lady in front of me to turn back and ask with panic in her voice:

“Ki holo??!! Aarshola achche naaki kothao?? KI HOLO??”
(What happened? Is there a cockroach somewhere? WHAT HAPPENED?)

Everyone has their own fears I guess. I wanted yell “He cut his wife in two you moron, and you are worried about a damn cockroach! HE CUT HER IN TWO!” but decided against it. I wanted the show to go on.

For days after, I was thinking and dreaming about magic. I was hooked. I was captivated with the thought of anything is possible. I was a believer. Strangely, it was the only magic show I ever went to in my life, and in a way I am happy I never went back.

A repeat performance by anyone could never have matched the intensity of that evening. I have seen David Copperfield on TV and various other street magicians, including the amazing David Blaine. They are all extremely good, and their presentation makes the ‘dhin-chak’ magic of PC look slightly outdated. But I never really enjoyed their shows much. My grown up rational mind is always trying to figure out ‘how they did it’. I guess with age and education, the ‘magic’ has gone out of magic for me.

As far as I am concerned, PC Sorcar will always remain the ‘World’s Greatest Magician’, the ‘Maharajah of Magic’! The fact that he is also the single largest ‘individual’ foreign exchange earner for India makes me feel that I saw the best.

It was PC who got me interested in magic and, for the first time, I thought of something other than cricket all the time (another mini magic!). It was this interest that took to me to the second magician in my life.

I will write about him and my (futile) attempts at practicing the craft on my friends and family in Part 2.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Analysing my Pee-er Group

Well, before you think that this is a boring article on my co-workers or friends or any other group I hang around with, let me tell you its not.

This blog is the culmination of years of astute observation. It is the first attempt to segment people on the basis of their peeing style! (Why would I want to do something like this? Well because I can!)

To be fair, I am not calling this the ‘ultimate’ the pee-er group analysis because I do not have inputs from my female friends on the different styles of women peeing. So this is totally a male thing. However, if any of you want to add the female perspective, please do!

Ok so here goes:

1.) The GROANER: The most common species. Lets out this gut wrenching groan the minute the piss hits the urinal. Can usually be seen with a beer bottle for some time before the act. Usually ends with a staggered sigh.

2.) The SPITTER: A relatively common species. He spits into the urinal as he pees. Its like a ritual. His bladder and the mouth waters at the same time and there is this urgent need to discharge from both.

3.) The WHISTLER: A fairly rare species now a days. Starts making the "ssssss" noises to induce piss. Then suddenly realizes what he is doing, and so to cover up starts whistling some really idiotic tune. To be strictly avoided in any public loo. The whistling tune has an uncanny ability to get stuck in your head!

4.) The WIGGLER: Again a common species. Ends his piss with an uncontrollable spasm that runs along the whole length of his spine. He convulses, writhes, bucks, and breathes hard trying to control the waves of pleasure that are cruising through his body.

5.) The GARDENER: Named so because of his swaying hosing style. While standing on the urinal, you will find him swaying lightly side to side, with a beatific smile on his face. He really likes to water!

6.) The ‘JIGYASU BALAK’: The most irritating of them all. Typically you will find them in office. You are pissing, all by yourself. This fellow will sneak up to the empty one next to you and start a conversation, like "aur bata, kya chal raha hai?" or "tera meeting kaisa gaya?" They will insist on discussing important strategic matters while both of you are standing with your dick in your hands!

7.) The FARTER: The most obnoxious of them all. Somehow relaxes a bit too much while peeing I think. Is related to GROANER, most Groaners become Farters as the day progresses.

8.) The PEEPER: We have all seen him. The one who casually steals a peep thinking no one is watching. We are always watching, you fucking loser!

9.) The CHOKER: He is the one who has entered the urinal cubicle (or the urinal enclosure or whatever that thing is in a ‘Gents Toilet’) and chokes because you have walked in more confidently just next to him. You will find him staring intently at his own dick, but not hear a single tinkle of pee. They just can't pee under pressure of performance.

10.) The RABBLE ROUSER: He is the noisy guy. When he pees, he aims for the middle of the water in the commode or the drain in the urinal and you can hear him for miles. He just likes to listen to himself pee. Loud, but largely harmless and usually is a bit of a show off and attention hungry.

There are two more, but I am struggling with the nomenclature a bit. I will update this in a while. Add in, if you have some species you would like to report.

Monday, April 9, 2007

The lure of "About me"

All the rationality, objectivity, and hard nosed scepticism that our generation has been bestowed with, goes out of the window the minute someone says "Let me tell you something about yourself".

Its like a tractor beam. We smile and let oursleves get sucked into it. We want to hear about ourselves. We need to hear about ourselves. We crave to get a second opinion on who we think we are. Strange but true people, we need validation about ourselves!

We all have sought this through various means - friends, peers, colleagues, quizzes, 360 feedbacks..... the names are many, the need the same.

So, in line with the trend, I sought an "About me" too. The one that lured me was something that I found on Svety's blog (which, by the way, has much more interesting things than this!)

So here goes. This (apparently),is ME...

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Chacha Choudhary and Sabu

Ok, so how many of you people have actually read Chacha Choudhary? He is the ultimate Indian 'super hero'. As early as the late seventies, Pran (the creator of Chacha Choudhary) had basically figured that the point of differentiation for Indian super heroes is going to be their intellect.

And from this insight came the famous "Chacha Choudhary's mind works faster than a computer"!

Enjoy this strip. Its called "Funny Football".... ~See you are smiling already. Its funny football baby! Yeah!~

And there is a reason why I have started this Indian comics thingy. It will get revealed over the next few weeks. Sneak Peak? Ok, here goes... connect Lee, Bengal, Singh, Ghost and Pygmies.

When you give up, give me a shout. Will reveal all...

As of now, enjoy the orginal macho Tau of India with his Venetian (like in 'from Venus') sidekick Sabu.

Ok three things: What kind of a sick fuck makes a football out of stone?? And I didnt really see how Sabu slam dunking a guy with the stone was proof of Chacha Choudhary's mind working faster than a computer! And go back to the first strip and see the panel where the guy kicks the football (made of "solid rock") Isnt that the funniest exrpession you saw? Ever?! Anyway... More later...